tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88022681328058533232011-11-13T14:26:14.721-08:00auroranoreply@blogger.comBlogger291100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-91408952151436303922011-11-13T14:09:00.000-08:002011-11-13T14:26:14.763-08:00It shouldn't be this hard...coming back to normalcy....to a fabricated world of artificial light and faked joy. Lies have evolved here where the simple truth of humanity can be bought and sold for a tuppence. From where I stand the balancing act lost its footing a long long time ago. The day a child goes starving in one end of the world where another fight obesity at the other end where people mop dried earth to recover dwindling drops of water when some frown at the occasional rain that falls... We forget the blessings of life...the cobble that I walk on now feels like heaven to my feet....feet that for a few weeks forgot the blackness of deprived earth...soulless earth....earth of forgotten mud...my feet embrace the cobbles....the puddles....the salty sweet wind and the hush of the leaves....my skin devours it like a starving infant...like the many starving infants...my soul craves the string that bind it to the earth...the trees...the wind...the wisdom of the stars that speak of hope in this end of the world....only this end of the world...god gives you the strength to endure...and with that strength you will teach endurance to others...The god of all things small and plentiful....the god of hope in a tired child...the god of rivers that faithfully flow to the unseen ocean....the gods they hold on to with such passion...an unseen self beyond their selves...<div>Its not the same this normalcy I will soon take for granted...the pendulous days and nights that bring a falsified charm to a falsified existence....until I return to darkness carrying hopefully the smallest light...and pray that it will suffice...for now...</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-9140895215143630392?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-22752460120082975142011-10-29T02:17:00.000-07:002011-10-29T02:28:50.932-07:00life has value only in the beholders of life...these past few weeks disappearing and finding places on earth that never should be inhabited...where darkness thrive in the excruciating light of the sun...puts life into blinding perspective...every bruise...every scratch...every grazing bullet...chips away any armor that was built through the years...what's left...the soul...again...can only be saved by a strong will to survive...where there is no water there can only be hell...and to hell we must return...to self inflicted torture without which we cannot find piece...we will not find piece...one must not ever find piece...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-2275246012008297514?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-54616650447108281482011-08-01T16:02:00.000-07:002011-08-01T16:10:35.701-07:00I'm renting out my soul for a day<div>to buy back your life</div><div>I'm going to take the hunger away</div><div>make a fool of death's wiles</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm going to find a place where your heart</div><div>Can finally learn to beat</div><div>Going to take back your memories</div><div>and create a brand new day</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm going to breath in to you</div><div>Every breath I take</div><div>I'm renting out my soul today</div><div>For tomorrow may be too late</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-5461665044710828148?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-45583862068159153532011-02-24T16:05:00.000-08:002011-02-24T16:12:44.756-08:00All these days...these years...these moments...have led me to this one single day...a day I reclaimed as my own....when I fell in love....in love with this world...every part of it...the white, the black, the grey. I reclaimed that day that was taken...and found me. And I refuse to be sad for this comes with a no return....no return...to love from a distance everything I've loved about my country...to stand so far and hear the voices that have fed me all my life...and to know I will carry that, carry them within me and so will my children...and I know lessons now worth teaching and a I have now a love worth giving. I have learnt...no...I have been taught. By the simple things...vulnerability, nobility, strength. And I will not be afraid to be afraid...for in this moment I have learnt to love all my life and every day after...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-4558386206815915353?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-69821291631035914532011-02-09T10:39:00.000-08:002011-02-09T10:44:30.802-08:00I needed to smile<div>You send me a child</div><div>I needed to cry</div><div>You gave me rain</div><div>I needed to love</div><div>You send me a kiss</div><div>I needed to fly</div><div>You send me the wind</div><div>They say you walk with me silently</div><div>I say you surround me</div><div>Envelope me</div><div>Within me</div><div>Around me</div><div>And as I give</div><div>You give</div><div>As I breath</div><div>You breath</div><div>And every breath is a miracle</div><div>And I have lived well</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-6982129163103591453?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-28488735234271991092010-12-24T18:37:00.000-08:002010-12-24T18:47:34.988-08:00Found myself face down in a ditch...<div>Broken lips and broken legs..</div><div>For a moment I lay still...</div><div>Remembering what it felt like.</div><div><br /></div><div>The one place you couldn't reach...</div><div>You try real hard each time you leave...</div><div>Empty battered bruised hands...</div><div>Ego slumped and I triumph...</div><div><br /></div><div>Broken lips and broken legs...</div><div>Pain is love and love is pain...</div><div>Wherever we shall meet again...</div><div>This world or the next...</div><div>And as the snow crunch under my feet...</div><div>Crimson and Crimson and Crimson...</div><div>I turn from my forever home...</div><div>Never to return again...</div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-2848873523427199109?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-47054730006696650762010-12-23T04:20:00.000-08:002010-12-23T04:21:06.546-08:00I'll always be that little girl...<div>who wished you back to life...</div><div>with the click of my heels or a magic kiss...</div><div>wishing I could turn back time....</div><div>to the moment peace turned to war...</div><div>and you took to sword...</div><div>for your pen now lay untouched,alone...</div><div>and will never see your words....</div><div>today as many christmases past...</div><div>I find you cold in stone...</div><div>but your battles are won and the world is one...</div><div>and forever now this is our home....</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-4705473000669665076?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-76321480499300672622010-12-08T13:07:00.001-08:002010-12-08T13:11:38.461-08:00I look at you and I want to cry<div>mother mine</div><div>I don't want to love you</div><div>but my heart's stubborn</div><div>I see your lopsided smile</div><div>your hair now grey</div><div>and your face wrinkled and thinner</div><div>I try to forget the ugly eyes</div><div>The pain</div><div>The anger</div><div>I try</div><div>I forget myself</div><div>I want to forgive me</div><div>But we're the last to forgive ourselves</div><div>I'm scared</div><div>that these are my last days</div><div>and I will never see you again</div><div>could never tell you</div><div>I forgive you</div><div>and I will keep forgiving</div><div>for my heart is stubborn</div><div>it beats through the bruises</div><div>It loves through the pain</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-7632148049930067262?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-90537268067324266682010-11-06T16:23:00.000-07:002010-11-06T16:26:57.058-07:00Who are you not to be the best you can be?<div>Who are you not to have faith?</div><div>Who are you to judge yourself?</div><div>Who are you to not forgive yourself?</div><div><br /></div><div>It's OK to be afraid.</div><div>It's OK not having the strength to cry.</div><div>It's OK not knowing.</div><div>It's OK to sacrifice.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let go.</div><div>Be free.</div><div>Have faith.</div><div>Conquer.</div><div>Live.</div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-9053726806732426668?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-3574530883634026292010-09-11T16:21:00.000-07:002010-09-11T16:36:16.477-07:00Give me a reason. One simple reason for me to turn back. You think I hate your guts but I hate mine more. I can't let you through to my world. I'm scared 'cos my world is black with red draped all over. If I turn back this is where my story ends. I'll simply be retracing steps trying to find order that I could never find in the chaos. I thought I left it behind. I did. A huge chunk of it. But their's still a little something on my shoulder that makes these steps heavier and harder. It's chipping off as I walk forward. Turning back I'd only gather the pieces again which I don't want to do. But I want YOU to give me a reason and I WILL pick up those pieces and I will stop this blind walk to god knows where. 'cos you're could be home. I know you'll hold my heart softly and won't let it bleed...'cos in your eyes I see kindness and I see peace. And one day maybe I could learn to love you. But for now I need you to give me one reason. Or time will take the choice off my hands. So while I'm standing and not running I'm asking you to validate the dream I know you've seen for us. Because you're the brave one and I'm the lost little girl and right now your dream sounds real good.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-357453088363402629?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-33906083762805623742008-12-02T13:35:00.000-08:002008-12-02T14:02:01.556-08:00Don't you think perfection is very subjective? What's perfect for you won't be perfect for me... We all have our own nuances about what is ideal. Sometimes perfection changes with time, with emotions, with life. When Zuze Z3, the 1st computer was built people assumed that it was the best invention ever, in spite of it fitting into only a large room. Now there are Micros, Minis and tablets. You might think the perfect night would be to spend dancing the night away on a couple of tequilas. I'd rather cook dinner peacefully at home and invite some friends over. The perfect trip would be to Vegas or maybe to the Grand Canyon. The perfect moment might be walking in the freezing rain without an umberella or maybe falling over and over on ice trying to learn how to skate.<br /><br />Maybe it's the imperfection of these moments that makes it perfect. Perfect for us..for me... Maybe somewhere deep down we know that we'rent perfect and we learn to accept those imperfections. Maybe we learn to maybe appreciate and even love those imperfections. Maybe with time we realize that it's not about time afterall.... it's about how much of yourself you learn to accept and how much you grow within that time...<br /><br />Maybe that's what makes life beautiful...our perception of it...the way we choose to live it...All I can say is I'm thankful for the imperfections...Imperfect in its perfection.....<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-3390608376280562374?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-22800537131913000032008-04-13T05:27:00.000-07:002008-04-13T06:16:04.783-07:00ya ya....i'm a sucker for optimism......pesimism??not that i don't try....i do.....believe me.....every single time da lights go out in da middle of a good movie i try to curse.....every time i lose my footing climbing the rocks....i try to curse.....no not really.....i've realized that my default reaction to pain has always become a laugh .....gosh i hope that's not abnormal.....don't wanna be in da luny bin ya know.....<br /><br />The concept of smiling through your tears......it's not easy believe me.....you train yourself.....before the physical pain from your body or heart reaches your mind.....you stop it.....you flip it around.....you laugh......i fell on my butt so many times climbing last month...(some trecking i did) and each time sucked now that i think about it....and my butt hurt so bad and it was bruised for days......but then if you let it get to you.....you stop climbing.....you give up......you let the pain get to you.....instead you get up....(maybe have a good buddy to lend a hand) and you crack a joke about being a clumsy mutt and you carry on.....even whistle to yourslef.....after sometime.....you just stop feeling it..... (until the next time you take a warm bath that is)<br /><br />I've realized a little fact.....you can only feel something if you let yourself......it's bull shit when people say they were out of control.....you and only you are in control of yourself.....noone holds the remote control of us......we have the batteries, the buttons...the works......it's always upto us to chose......do i let the shit to hit me......or do i bat the shit back to where it came from.....lemme see....<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-2280053713191300003?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-83323440901862925042008-04-09T12:55:00.000-07:002008-04-09T13:04:11.352-07:00A day may come, when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves, and shattered shields when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! For all that you hold dear, on this good earth, I bit you stand.........<br /><br />that's my favourite quote from LOTR.....every second in life we're tested.....our will to live....to survive even......our strength to beat all odds and writhe our way back to life.......the so called light at the end of da tunnel...... your faith is tested....your faith in what is right.....what is true and what is strong...... your love is tested...... you strength to forgive..... your will to forget.....your strength.......you are tested not by mere man......but something greater.....not god.....something tangible.....something real....... a shadow that stands next to you and wispers in your ear.....this isn't right....and you know it.....a silent touch right next to your heart that speaks......you are better than that....... a little prayer that never intends to touch heaven.....but simply the earth that gives life to life....<br /><br />Alchemist.......if you want something really badly.....the whole universe conspires you to get it.....but let me tell you this......if you don't want something atall and you keep it anyways.....the universe conspires for you to lose it........<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-8332344090186292504?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-46766788644553162672008-04-08T10:28:00.000-07:002008-04-08T10:44:13.782-07:00ok this is gna be da f'in most sad blog i would have ever written..............so i cried........it was coming...............everything's been adding upto this..............but what did it was me calling one of my friends an idiot and him thinking i actually meant it!!!! oh my god......that's amazingly SAD!!! you expect your friends to know you.............atleast to the extent of to take you lightly when you are meant to be taken lightly..............he broke my heart..........SAD again.....when ur depressed and da whole world is crashing on you there's nothing that's comforting i guess.......and just to think it was only last week i was walking thro snow and heaven............smiling like a mad woman and living every second..............i don't ever ever wanna cry again..............is it so hard to be happy? i don't ask for much just some peace......hard earned peace.............and it's bull shit.........you don't really feel better after bawling ur eyes out...........didn't expect to........bin there done that............<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-4676678864455316267?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-26828509998744459962008-03-09T10:24:00.000-07:002008-03-09T10:54:19.071-07:00He's so right....."it looks like a <i>patch for a big big wound</i>".....how perfect.....my life written down in 6 cold cold words......this wound has neevr healed.....it never will.......because each night i come back to it......there is no escape......there is only endeless hope.....hopeless hope.....that some day....one fine perfect beautiful day......it will all be ok.......there will be no cracks on the ground.....no black clouds....no rainy days......my mother would love me unconditionaly.....my sister would not have hate in her eyes when she looks at me......my father would stop being a simple mirage oblivious to everything......i will stop being invisible......<br /><br />ok this is fucking sad.....and i'm gonna shut da fuck up right now..... ;)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-2682850999874445996?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-8030104584056745732007-12-29T08:27:00.000-08:002007-12-29T09:12:13.312-08:00ppl always leave.....you think i'm tough.....'cos i laugh at da face of life.....i skip over each obstacle....i dance through each storm.....if you knew....my heart breaks as easily......i cry....i don't let u see it.....when i hold a little child close to me.....i cry.....i can't carry a baby in my arms anymore.....not after the last time.....watching him smile and his eyes clear.....a clear perfect black.....and watching the same light fade.....i try to hold my heart back.....i try.....'cos i've died too many times watching them die......but i can't because i know inspite of inevitable death.....life has too many precious moments not to be missed......a clear day of smiles....joy so pure.....so amazingly pure.....<br /><br />ppl always leave.....i'm gonna cry tonight....i know it.....i get tired of being tough.....i give up.....but each time i hold a tiny hand....i know what i'm destined to be.....life only throws shit at you....knowing you can duck em.....or take it in the face....<br /><br />i won't stop here.....i can't.....it's like i'm addicted to the pleasure/pain.......i need it....i thrive on it.....<br /><br />ppl always leave....there IS more to life......i know i'm on da path to find it all......but right now....for a moment.....i'm gonna succumb to the pain.....i'm gonna cry......so hard.....and i'll be wasted in the morning..... and tomorrow i'll be brand new......<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-803010458405674573?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-61146523336109082102007-12-17T09:24:00.000-08:002007-12-17T10:13:41.320-08:00<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">My palm still tickles.....it tickles from the soft feel of yours....<em>Raman</em>…when you gently, surreptitiously slipped them into mine….beautiful….Your tiny tiny fingers gripped mine…I belonged there….I was family…..little <em>Raman</em>….with his black black eyes…..I didn’t know the words….but I understood….When you were hungry…..when you were sad…..little <em>Raman</em>…..bony legs dancing to a silent beat of hip hop…..hands thrown in air….teeth smiling….grinning rather….rapping in your own words….little <em>Raman</em>…..mimicking my steps……dancing with me…..playing with me……<br /><br />Cricket…I suck at cricket…..but around you I played sixes and boundaries…..just to see your eyes light up…..to see you jump up and down and clap in glee…..and the occasional catch….when you caught that ball in both your palms and threw it so high…..like reaching for the sky…..you were flying….your angel wings carrying your tiny body….weightless……floating….Angels should be brown…..<br /><br />Tiny brown arms….wrapped around my neck…I envy the love that you give so freely…..the love that makes your big eyes shine….like tears…..<em>Raman</em> far away from home….away from the oceans of <em>Trincomalee</em>…away from your mother, father, family….away from their guns…..their bombs…from their hell…<em>Raman</em>….<br /><br />So tiny…..so tall……dreaming dreams of unity and peace…..big dreams…..of friendship….fellowship…..brotherhood…..dreams that his kin has forgotten…<br /><br />He dances with me…..still….in my dreams…..sunshine and rap…..no words….sounds….only sounds…..hearts dancing to RnB….tiny feet naked in the sand…..<em>Raman</em>….<br /><br />I will save my last dance for you…..</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-6114652333610908210?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-62291800292421436722007-11-24T04:36:00.000-08:002007-11-24T04:47:34.409-08:00dimples.....dimples in those cheeks......tiny tiny little bump in the middle of his left cheek.....in the middle of his tiny tummy and his little butt....tiny brown curls and bright bright black eyes....shining and almost silver blue.....love.....love was here......held between two hands.....kissed and loved......<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-6229180029242143672?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-9774691281346926812007-11-02T11:15:00.000-07:002007-11-02T11:57:42.328-07:00I like Butterflies in the pit of my stoumach.....anticipation.....i thrive in the lack of control....wanting...needing something to be the way you want it to be....for a little boy to walk on broken legs....for a little baby to breath through collapsed lungs.....for a mother to hold her child alive and breathing in her arms....butterflies....that carry those dreams from the pits our stoumach to the heavens above.....those dreams conquer mountains.....reach the deepest trenches of the ocean....swim the longest rivers.....butterflies...<br />it's overrated....the sacrifices you make for hope.....prayers...with all that you hold dear in the world....you pray....it's what holds us humpty dumpties together....keeps us patched up and sane.....hope that the walk happens...the breath happens....the cry happens.....hope that life will be fair....extremely fair....too fair....<br />life's not fair......life is impossible.....intolerable.....unbelievable.....and then comes hope.....softening the blow....relieving the pain......hope.....keeping us alive......i like butterflies in my stoumach.......cos even if that little boy never walks.....he would have learnt a lesson.....noone gives up....noone ever gives up......life's too precious......<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-977469128134692681?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-62666607541884206552007-10-25T09:40:00.000-07:002007-10-25T10:10:55.854-07:00Life sets you a bunch of priorities....so many paths to choose from....we walk half way on this….skip to that….walk back on that……go to next…..ride the winds on next and sail back to this….life’s funny that way……one moment’s healthy will be the next moment’s wrong diagnosis….we dye our hair from black to red, brown, burgundy (that’s my favorite) and back to black…..sometimes we get stuck with brown…..although brown sucks…..boring….sickening…passifying…sucks…we stick with brown….not realizing burgundy is just around the bend just waiting to be found….<br /><br />Life is about making the best out of our moments…..they might not be the happiest….but every moment is a lesson if not learnt will leave a moment lost….<br /><br />I believe in moments….scratching the dregs to find something worthwhile….not taking exuberance for granted….enjoying it while it lasts….not missing it when it’s gone….it’s hard…because it requires a certain amount of self discipline and a dash of gumption to do that……every moment there is something waiting for us…an experience…which is what life is all about….living….forget the next five years…next month….next week……forget tomorrow…..now is what you have….now is all you can make perfect…life never brings guarantees…..you win some you lose some…..the unequivocal, unhinging, irrefutable balance of nature…..it’s passé….but true….<br /><br />I chose NOW…to wring the best out of NOW…..to not beat NOW around the bush….put now 1st second and last….so that when now move to then….i have a then worth talking about….it’s not easy…..but it sure pays well…..and one day....when my teeth and my curls are all gone....many many moments from now....I will have many many stories to tell....<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-6266660754188420655?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-67825817989432244202007-10-12T09:53:00.000-07:002007-10-12T10:04:07.194-07:00you passed me by....a tiny face that once gave me a toothy grin and the thin hands that once held mine....you passed me by....no smile on your lips...blue and stiff....your once unruly hair thin and stubbled....u passed me by...dressed no longer in bright red and green flowered shirt....but a starched white one...<br /><br />tears you swear will not fall....you seek the strength to be strong....my chest is heavy....the pain is unbearable....uncontrollable and unpredictable...one moment a smile to calm the nerves....a laugh even....and the next a fountain of tears....<br /><br />i don't have words for you....your journey ends today at a mere nine years...but i will not forget to dream for you.....to make your dreams come true....your ideals to prevail....your love.....i will miss forever.....don't you dare leave my side.....walk with me silently....i will hold your hand...this life and next...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-6782581798943224420?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-1442590972289229722007-10-12T03:18:00.000-07:002007-10-12T03:22:23.689-07:00Only tell me that you still want me here<br />When you wander off out there<br />To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow<br />In that dry white ocean alone<br />Lose out in the desert<br /><br />You are lost out in the desert<br />But to stand with you in a ring of fire<br />Ill forget the days gone by<br />Ill protect your body and guard your soul<br />From mirages in your sight<br /><br />Lost out in the desert<br />You are lost out in the desert<br /><br />If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track<br />Ill be the moon that shines on your path<br />The sun may blind our eyes,<br /> Ill pray the skies above<br />For snow to fall on the sahara<br /><br />Just a wish and I will cover your shoulders<br />With veils of silk and gold<br />When the shadows come and darken your heart<br />Leaving you with regrets so cold<br /><br />Lost out in the desert<br />You are lost out in the desert<br /><br />If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track<br />Ill be the moon that shines on your path<br />The sun may blind our eyes,<br />Ill pray the skies above<br />For snow to fall on the sahara<br /><br />If thats the only place where you can leave your doubts<br />Ill hold you up and be your way out<br />And if we burn away,<br />Ill pray the skies above<br />For snow to fall on the sahara<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-144259097228922972?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-32554228242347735092007-10-11T14:05:00.000-07:002007-10-11T14:06:10.380-07:00Power in leather boots<br />I don’t give two hoots<br />About what YOU think<br />My world runs on stilettos…<br />Bare feet on red earth…<br />Imagination on wings…<br />Smiles…<br />I twirl when others step to the beat<br />I leap when others walk<br />I don’t love to be loved<br />Small talk makes boring conversation<br />Laughter is worth any price paid<br />Chocolates go down to my thigh<br />But goes to my head first so I don’t mind<br />I laugh out when I’m happy<br />Cry hard when I’m sad<br />Spit fire when I’m angry<br />I make no mistakes…I only learn lessons…<br />Impossible is not a word…<br /><br />I hug ppl I like<br />Kiss ppl I love<br />Babe= my sista<br />Hon=my bro<br />Biatch-reserved ONLY for my best bud<br />I like my ears, feet and lungs clean<br />And booze is a take it or leave it<br />(leave it-I like my liver clean too)<br />I don’t give on credit…<br />Love on conditions…<br />Live on limits…<br />Brawns don’t move me<br />Words challenge me<br />My religion is my honour<br />My self- proclaimed rules…Buddhism<br />Virtue is freedom<br />Attitude is not a choice…but an ultimatum<br /><br />I thrive to be the exception to the rule..<br />I am…the exception to the rule…<br />I am…woman…<br /><br />.......Anu.......<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-3255422824234773509?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-17271064711936722922007-09-27T08:38:00.000-07:002007-09-27T09:40:56.526-07:00<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-1727106471193672292?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-65272776876996044302007-08-26T05:16:00.000-07:002007-08-26T05:19:26.729-07:00<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The power of a king is not measured by the stretch of land he rules nor the strength of the army he leads. It is the people that give a king his honour and his worth. A king is great only and only when he is great in his people’s hearts. </span></div><div align="justify"><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">When we were children we all wanted to be doctors and lawyers. We all dreamt of helping people and being great men and women. But with time we realized that a drowning man cant save another’s life. We realized the power of money and the glory it brings. We realized that there was an easier way to bask in happiness. Earn well live well. That is why happiness became a fleeting thing. A moment in time. We were little dandelion fluff that refused to fly into the glorious wind but were content to sway in the occasional soft breeze.<br />Happiness is never ending. Peace is eternal. For a man who has once found his peace will never have to go in search of it again. </span></div><div align="justify"><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Nature is at all times in balance. That balance is never broken. It’s constantly in motion like a pendulum. And it is us humans that sway the intricate balance. Lord Buddha and Einstein were very wise men. We worship gods holding them responsible for our creation. But is it not obvious that it is nature that is responsible for us. Our ancestors are the microbes and the green grass that grows around us. The dust under our feet and the rocks that bare no life. That is our beginning. Man has indeed walked a long road. Somewhere down that long walk we forgot to remember…respect….we must respect that balance….</span></div><div align="justify"><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">All things are not equal….they are opposite and they conflict…its nature’s way of testing the boundaries of its rule of balance. A proton must associate with an electron. If not the balance is broken and we have chaos. Scientific man must use his knowledge to enforce this balance and NOT to test the limits of chaos. </span></div><div align="justify"><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A wise man is not a man who sways to the random breeze, but one who dares to ride the soaring winds in hope he will land on fertile ground. He is one that lives on faith knowing each day his faith is tested. A wise man will not be afraid to fall. He will only be afraid not to attempt to rise. </span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-6527277687699604430?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-39229628842415239642007-08-16T22:51:00.000-07:002007-08-16T22:55:39.056-07:00<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Time has come for me to go back to where I came from…time to recap and reiterate minus the mistakes every good thing that made my souls whole…I can’t run from the inevitable forever…it breaks my heart to leave but it’s something I must do…I cannot fathom how I will tolerate parting from my friends….but my world has become a luxury that has costed my soul….i miss the little children….the voices that make me whole…..the tinkling laughter…..the shared joy and tears….i even miss the pain….miss taking it away from someone….miss holding their hand….i miss the give and take of love…..</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br />Ayn Rand says “Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.” I have the power to choose….but exercising that power is sacrificial to my soul….i don’t have the strength that is required….my path has always been set….as frivolous and mundane as it seems this life is what I choose to live….i discard the materiality and luxury that is the gist of this world of the modern man…. My soul is more important to me….everyday I feel my fate slipping through my fingers…rioting with time…it’s a battle that takes too much of energy…and I don’t have energy to waste…. Its time….<br /><br />There was a time that I couldn’t look at the blood from their wounds…and the charred faces that bore no resemblance to the smiles that once lit it….the powerless fingers like broken twigs…the veins that shone through clear skin…..the palpable stench of death….its a misery to walk into….but I know it has made me stronger in the past and will continue to do so in the future….i have no burden there….it is the land of blood, tears as well as dreams and promise…. In this world…of egos and power and politics….i have no place….my fate has always been entangled with the fate of the little boy that held a sniper with unshed tears in his eyes as he knelt beside his brother in the parched fields of blood and sweat…..if each of our lives have a purpose it is to make the life of another better or atleast tolerable….</span><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-3922962884241523964?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-27730540203905670022007-07-31T21:50:00.000-07:002007-07-31T22:02:49.456-07:00Its midnight here in tinsel town… the stars are blurred with their glow hidden in the depth of distance…the depth of time…the bars lay across a window looking beyond to the freedom of absolute darkness …it’s a different world here…the sharp put put put of distant bullets….a rain…a sound as mundane as the chick chick chick of a ghecko…the winds refuse to blow today leaving a dry and dusty timbre in the atmosphere….its cold…not freezing…just chilling cold….my brother hasn’t come home yet…<br /><br />Mother nods her head in the corner..wrapped in a flowered <em>cheettha redda</em>…her eyes drooping shut…startled open at the next shower of put put put….<em>kolu</em> is snuggled next to her lost in childhood fantasies of green pastures…. I…am awake…a sudden mock whisper of a breeze makes the flame shiver….chill….where is he…where has he gone…<br /><br />The silence is momentary…. Then a dog barks in a distance…an engine putters far far away the tiers crunching on the gravel…absolute silence again…a mosquito….i squat at it…not wanting to kill it….life is precious in this town…that lost so many….our crops grow on red earth….not quite yet paid for….not quite yet owned….one day the blood sacrificed will suffice….my brother….<br /><br />Silence…the absence of sound…yet the unspoken words toss around the <em>kirimati</em> hammock...whispers unheard…put put put….where is he….dadumm dadumm…my ears are filled with the beat of my heart accelerating…where is he? He likes his law books….proud of the words that give him the power of knowledge…his stride is stronger in the morning as he heads for the university...the <em>ata pitty rotti</em> wrapped and in his hand and his precious note books in his brown back pack….his slippers worn-out…comfortable…the way he likes everything in life…his shirt well pressed under a pillow of a good night’s sleep…his dreams in his eyes….joining the flock that carries their daily routine passive to the put put put….his voice deep, energetic when he cracks his <em>buwa</em> jokes….his presence strong as he studies in the flickering of the <em>bhoomithel </em>lamp…..oh why doesn’t he come home…..<br /><br />Silence….put put put….silence….put put put….sounding closer now…we’ve forgotten the sounds of silence….now briefly tasted amidst the monotonous rain of bullets firing….something hums in a distance…..leaves rustle….mother turns in her slumber…i cannot sleep….the darkness is endless…..creeping into the lighted hut….the stench of the rusted metal on the bars of the window is strong….the air always smells of smoke….the flame flickers….dying…..slowly…..welcoming the darkness that awaits…sleep….i cannot succumb….i must not….his plate of food is cold…I must warm it….listen to his tired banter as he walks in….take his bag….maybe feed him a <em>bath kata</em> like I did in the morning….listen to <em>akka</em> this and <em>akka </em>that…my eyes water with tiresome sleep…I move closer to the rusted metal…peeping in on the untouchable darkness…the stars shine far far away….in another world…many worlds apart…one flickers invitingly….i prey…pls…..i wish him home….safe….i wish….<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-2773054020390567002?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-14604217744497802542007-07-22T22:38:00.000-07:002007-07-22T22:40:20.270-07:00Last year…i lost a child….not my own….but one that was under my care….he had a long journey from his nightmare hometown to the sanctuary we were to provide him….but his fate was sealed when he arrived here…the little boy died of malaria…I couldn’t help him….all I could do was hold him and watch him shiver and shrivel and disappear…it broke my heart….and my soul….the former I could have survived….but the latter….i lost myself….the other children who accompanied him….some recovered….some were weak but healthy when they arrived…..but there is no valuing life….what I lost….what we lost…we all…..was immeasurable. I cried for days….silently…..’cos my mother didn’t know what kind of work I was into….i won’t ever forget his face…so I gave it up….i’ve seen people die….i’ve held them….cried….because I could see life leave their eyes….see the sparkle fade….i’ve heard life stories of old grey haired men who lost their families to war….to famine…to time….i’ve seen a man bleed from a lost arm….and heal and leave a scar months later…but a child….never a child….I know I’m a coward….people keep telling me it wasn’t my fault….but the ‘if’ factor is so high….if we had gotten to them earlier…if we had better medical care….if people weren’t so careless…if this war had ended….if this war had never begun….So now….i’m a business analyst….working a desk job….getting my adrenaline rushes very rarely…I miss holding hands of people….comforting them…listening to them….watching them leave their past lives …sometimes sadly sometimes thankfully…..rebuilding…..growing…..i miss the tears changing from ones of remorse to ones of joy….i miss the give and take….of love….of happiness….being a shoulder…..im hungry…all the time….not being able to help….i feel cocooned….but losing a child….feeling the warmth leave his body…that helplessness…that feeling of utter despair…the tears that burn….but never come….the heart beat….stop. No being should ever go through that…But everyday I pray….for strength…..to walk that path again….because I know I lost my heart to them….and I have no home other than that….and I know until I find the strength to walk back….until i regain my soul....i will never be free…hopefully time will heal....but i know it will leave a scar....<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-1460421774449780254?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802268132805853323.post-60684484731157699772007-07-19T21:45:00.000-07:002007-07-19T22:22:18.860-07:00I’m a mean monkey.....with two red horns....hidden of course....two vampire teeth and all the works....i bite....i bark....i vent....but when i love....i love unconditionally....i’m power woman, damsel in distress, diva and dork all rolled into one……im complicated…and I like my peeps to be equally crazy….i hate small talk….it makes me cringe with frustration….i hate cowards and I can spot a liar in a wink….i hate cheep lines and fake smiles….i hate makeup and 6 inch heels….im a sucker for a 4 inch though….i hate it when the end justifies the means….i hate people hurting animals and I’d save a cat or dog over a human any day…..i only smack people I love deeply….i don’t touch people I don’t adore…..i love hugging….i love cracking silly jokes….id give a limb to make someone smile….i hate fags I detest alcohol…I hate fake anything….i love chocolates…..i love soft toys…..i have no fear of crying or holding other people when they cry….or crying along with them…..or yaaaa I’m one heck of a bawling machine….I’m not scared to give a piece of my mind to anyone…..and I get so tired when I have nothing to do….i fall in love every second and fall outa love as easily…. I hate pretty boys and love a good friends….i hate testosterone…..i hate orange t-shirts..i love orange….<br /><br />Dats pal haali fr da day ppl…..join me again r another round in a second….adios….<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8802268132805853323-6068448473115769977?l=palhaali.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>auroranoreply@blogger.com0